Recap

This morning my heart is a little extra heavy. It started when sammy fully woke up, not the still sleepy kinda don't know what you're doing stage. He hugged my Liam bear and started crying. He said he misses Liam. I told him I did too. I let him take his Liam bear and a picture of the four of us with him in his backpack today.  

We have yet to receive Liam's remains or the cd of photos the nurse took for us. 

If you don't know me really well, you won't know that I like things to be orderly when it comes to things that need to be taken care of. It's a control issue I have. If you say something will be here by x time, don't make me wait. When I have to get groceries, I like to do it as soon as I can after getting paid so I know it's finished. I like to be early for appointments when possible, so I will leave the house well before I have to and wait longer if I have to. I'm not one that likes to cut things close if I can help it. I suppose you could say I'm not extremely spontaneous

I don't like putting off things I need to do for things I want to do. 

I don't like being told to be somewhere at a specific time and then have no communication about delays. 

Right now, I especially don't like not having my baby's last pictures. I don't like not having the only clothes he ever wore. It's horrible to have to wait when I wish I could wave my hands and have it all complete. Unfortunately, life is not like that and if it were, we'd all be a mess.

Anyway, having said all that, we received our cremation jewelry in the mail today. That just makes today a little harder because we don't have his remains. 

It's really something I don't try to think about. Liam having been cremated. It's so difficult to think about what happened after we said our final goodbyes.