6/365

Silly faces are the best.

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#sorrynotsorry

I'm not going to apologize for this post.  Today marks two months since Liam passed away. It's still hard every day to wake up knowing that I don't get to hold my baby. I see success stories of other babies born at 23 weeks and I wonder if we made the right choice. Then I remember how uneasy Liam looked lying there in his little glass cage. Then I remember how his nurse, Andrea, said he looked so at peace snuggled up to me. I wanted peace for him and to know one hundred percent without a doubt that we loved him, even if it meant letting him go. It's hard to know that if I were still pregnant, I'd be rapidly approaching my due date. It's hard to think that if Liam were still alive, he'd be approaching the possible "come home" date. It's hard to see baby posts so I'm just gonna tell you, I've hidden almost all of them.  I want to scream and yell that it's not fair that all the other moms get their babies and I don't get mine, pree...
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When I titled my blog "one day closer to you" several years ago, I was using it as a tool to help me get through a deployment. Then it was the second long deployment Danny was doing. It was my first being up here without family around me the whole time. It was also the first seven months I had ever driven myself EVERYWHERE.  Now, my blog is about getting closer and closer to bringing Liam home! That day is still a bit away, but I praise God for every day of forward progress Liam makes.  Yes, it's quite an adjustment. I'm physically fine after giving birth, but there are moments when I just feel overwhelmed. Here's the list of overwhelming things that run through my mind: Pumping milk for Liam Sammy continuing school Sammy's constant questions about everything but his brother Sammy magically thinking food appears in the fridge completely prepared Food/groceries for days we aren't able to go see Liam (believe it or not, I'm realizing I want a happy balan...
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so blessed.

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