Recap

It's been a while since I blogged. I was doing so good too! 

Anyway, recap of my life. Sammy stayed home from school last Friday with a sore throat. Still sick on Saturday and Sunday. Got to make a dress Sunday night. (Yay for accomplishing some of my new year's goals!) No school for the holiday Monday. Made pajamas for sammy Monday night. Field trip on Tuesday. Barnes & Noble! Wooooooo Church on Wednesday and now it's Thursday. 

And thus another week was spent. 

Now onto what I really want to say here. It's now much closer to what would have been Baby Day/Homegoing from Nicu. And it is emotionally exhausting to think about. I'm truly happy for the friends who were pregnant at the same time as me, but I am so sad for us. 

I miss my baby. It's hard to look at pictures of him, so I don't. It's hard to think about not having him, so I focus my mental energies elsewhere, which is probably why you will see a lot of new things made this year. It's hard to see the complaints from pregnant women on Facebook, so I hide them. It's hard to see regular complaints too because I just want to chime in with "someone, somewhere, has things so much worse then what you are complaining about." So I don't say anything. 

It's been almost three months and no one needs me to constantly remind them of my sorrow, so I don't say anything. I want more then anything to have my baby at home with me right now, but I can't. I want to tell people to not take things for granted, to not wish the time away, because it could happen, but I don't. 

Now that I've said all that, I don't know what else is left. I feel like my words are menial and unworthy of reading. It's just me blabbering on about my tiny little life. 

I am not saying this for compliments or reassurance, I promise you. I feel like my story is not as important as someone else's. And that's such an odd thing. Growing up, I was always social and outgoing. Now I just want to slip into the background and go unnoticed more often. I am becoming intolerant of socializing I suppose. More often then not now, I feel like it's too taxing to expend my energy on being with people. I suppose you're one of the lucky ones if I spend my time with you.